I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
