I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ttyl tear gas
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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