he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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