Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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