wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
