The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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