white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
