This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
should my penis look like a turkey
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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