he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
