remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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