At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
