i don't like sucking hair
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
