OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
