The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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