your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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