My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
