Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
