It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
