Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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