she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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