I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
