I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
