She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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