I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
