Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
