He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come on in and take your pants off
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