You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
