when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
