i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My vagina just clenched in fear
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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