dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
