I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
