i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im calling her cock vulture from now on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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