and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
