The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
