dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
