Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
