I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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