There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
