And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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