I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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