there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have post one night stand depression
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
