He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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