I hate all girls vehemently.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
