I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
