ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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