i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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