my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
