Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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