3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
