you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
