If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
