You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
