im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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