We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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