she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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