so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there was a trapeze. enough said
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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