I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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