do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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