I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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