yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
