god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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