Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
